Nha Trang diddliang

Have realised that my plan of writing one short para on each day isn't going so well... so here's a brief overview of a few days.

Days 44-48 Having caught another night bus the evening before, we arrived in Nha Trang early morning.

Nha Trang is nice, but a bit Surfers Paradise [in a very Vietnamese way]. Still, it was different to anywhere we have been so far so was good to hang out in for a few days.Highlights of our time there were:

- Chilling out in the mineral mud baths

- Having massages by two little ladies who, at one point actually stood on our backs and massaged with their feet!

At one point, just as I was beginning to really relax, my little lady worked her way up my back with her big toes, dug them into my two top vertebrae and then JUMPED!

Snap went my neck!

AIGGHHH went me!

- Spent a day on a boat: snorkeling, enjoying "free Vietnamese wine" ... mmmm soooo undelicious, laughed as the locals performed some Vietnamese karaoke to a live band on our boat, and went parasailing for the first time - lots of fun, however there was a sudden drop in the wind when Row had his turn and he plummeted into the sea from a height of about 20m! Looked funny, but I was worried - and then, I saw his head bobbing about the surface about 100m from shore - the jetski zoomed up to get him. He was a-ok, and even got to have a free turn! Will be interesting to see if we will be able to have children in the future...

- We also scored some good food there [surprise surprise!] and found a veg restaurant where the two of us could eat and get a drink for just over $1 total!

After a few days, we caught a bus to Dalat which is where we are now. Its nice here - not quite what we expected, but we're going to stay here 5 nights or so. Planning on doing some fun activities over the next few days...

Stay tuned.

Beauty & The Hairy Beast

Day 43: Still in Hoi An, traded our push bikes in for something with a motor and cruised around the "Old Quarters" of Hoi An and again managed to resist buying many many wonderful things...
We were walking through the market when a lady pounced on me and started strongly encouraging me to visit her "beauty shop". Now I'm not sure if the lady had see my growing hairiness from the distance, or if she just scored lucky, but she sure had found a client who was ripe for the plucking...

Before I commited to anything though I wanted to check out what she intended to use - I wasn't going to have any of that 'non-strip wax' that they just remelt into a big glob after use and then re-use on the next poor unsuspecting hairy tourist... She insisted that there was no problem... "special way..." [oh... uh oh...]

When we had woven our way through the winding market stalls to her 'shop' - I discovered it was infact a 'box' that anyone walking past could easily peer into - she sat me down and, once she'd gotten over how long my leg hairs actually were [& shown all her friends who were equally amazed at the hermaphrodite that had appeared before them - yep, they were long, even for my most feminine of standards...] - she rubbed this chalk stuff over me and then brought out some cotton. She doubled over a long strand, held it taut over my calf, and then all at once, with a flicking/twisting motion, she used the cotton to 'wax' my legs! Sans-wax! Amazing really...

I was so impressed by the novelty of it all that by the time I she had finished the "test strip" to see if I wanted her to go ahead, I hadn't even noticed the pain.
Of course, by the time I noticed the pain, I had already commissioned the "dear little lady" to proceed with the full deforestisation.

It was too late.

And it was at this point, that I also realised what a PAIN-stakingly slow process it all was. By this time I had told Row that I'd be fine and to just cruise back to the hotel and that I'd be there in half an hour no sweat... So I had no-one with whom I could share my pain - although I did befriend another Vietnamese lady who sat down beside me - I held her hand as tightly as one can hold one's hand!

So - I sat there, crying from the depths of my soul within, all the while thinking of the many gruesome torture stories of the wars in Vietnam... I couldn't help but wonder if any of the fighters had used "cotton waxing" torture to break the hardest of prisoners...
You see, the pain I felt during that long long process was more intesnse than any other pain I have felt before... more than getting a tattoo... or even falling out of a moving car... and then, all of a sudden, I had a vision.
- I was in Grade 4 or 5, minding my own business at home in Bellerive, when low and behold, my middle sister Boo, and her best friend Bec Viney tore into the lounge room holding a deadly weapon in their hand... an EPILADY!I screamed!They chased me!I tried to run away, but they pulled me down.One held my leg.The other used the weapon to rip my leg hairs from my little 10 y.o. legs.

I cried.

They cackled.
Somehow - I managed to get away and vowed to myself that I would NEVER, EVER let anyone epilade me again...
And yet - here I was, 16 years later... in a box... in a stinky market in Vietnam... allowing myself to be epiladed by a little lady and her leathal cotton...
Once it was all over, she insisted she "make my feet beautiful" by giving them a manicure and softening them. I thought I could do with a bit of pampering after my ordeal so gave her the a-ok, and besides, the bright blue nail polish that I had applied at Bec & Richie's in Perth 2 months ago was starting to look slightly tatty..
After she had "manicured" me, she got me to lie on teh "bed" on my belly, and instead fo using a pumic stone to gently rub away the drier parts of my sole, she pulled out what can only be described as a 20 year old knife. She proceeded to cut away at my foot! Ahhh! I panicked, but soon realised she was only "cutting" the dead parts of my skin and so I didn't actually feel it. There was no blood, and I have had no real symptoms of 20-y.o. knife infection since...

5 mins later she showed me what she had done. Amazing - somehow she had managed to get a few good tablespoons of my foot in her hand without me feeling anything! I know this is grose - but it really was quite amazing!

My feet had never felt so good!
And so, just as I lay my head down to breathe a big sigh of relief - my worst night mare came true. She had started the 'waxing' again.

On the back of my calves!

FARRK! I cried [literally] - I thought she'd finished!! But no - and so, I lay there, for 10 mins more, singing Celine Dion and R. Kelly "I Am Your Angel" out loud [don't know why I sang that!?!? It just came to me], and tried to levetate my mind away from my body to escape the enduring pain...
Anyway - 1 hour later, she'd also managed to 'wax' my eyebrows [I actually cried at this point in time, asked her to stop, and she had to get her neice to hold my eye taut while she did it]... She then took the chance to peek under my armpits and offer to 'wax' those too - I said, NO YOU DON'T - and that was it.

I was free!

My feet were crustiless!

My legs silky smooth!

My brows shaped like... lady eyebrows...

I WAS WOMAN ONCE MORE!!!

Hue - Hoi An

Day 40: We EVENTUALLY pulled up at Hue at 10am - PRAISE ZE LORD! Cruised the streets, booked a "city and countryside" motor bike tour for the following day.

Day 41: Fantastic day. Cruising around the 'city and countryside' on the back of motorcycles. Saw some truly amazing relics of kingkoms from kings and emporers from dynastys gone by. Fantastic way to see Hue.
Went out for our first western meal in over a month... Pizza, pasta and salad never tasted so good. A local artisan made the most of our slightly vodka-illubricated brains to sell us 4 paintings we really don't need [don't worry Dad, they roll up really small and will only be in your ["our..."] shed for 12mths max!] Had a good chat to a Nigerian-born Londoner who has recently travelled through Afghanistan.

Decided to take a cyclo back to hotel - once we were out of site of the local police, we made our drivers jump in the seat and raced each other back to the hotel - we were soon to discover that cyclos are in fact, harder to steer than they apppear, and that the breaks really don't do much to actually assist in the stopping of a cyclo... Anyway - point of the story. I won. Stoked. Not that it mattered of course...

Day 42: Sorry - did I mention that "I" won they cyclo race??.. Boarded a mini bus for what should have been a quick 2hr drive south to Hoi An. Problem is, that the "wiley Vietnamese" like to have as many unnecessary stop-offs as possible to maximise the chance of tourists dispensing with as many Dong as possible...

So, we made a couple of much longer than necessary "short brakes" - one of which however was actually pretty groovy I must say. A massive cave with morbid decorations. A bit freaky and not something I'd normally go for, but it was very unique.

We eventually rolled into Hoi An where we conducted our usual "post-disembarkment routine": - Wander around with our backpacks until we can't sweat anymore and check in somewhere.

- Peel off our sweaty clothes [sounds erotic I know - Rowan has the pole dancing action down packed by now],

- Shower.

- Sleep.

- Eat.

- Summon the energy to get out and explore.

A bit over the touring thing, we decided to skip the "boat trip" and "meet the village people" [they don't seem to wear cop, indian and workmen outfits here] and do our own thing while in Hoi An. So we hired pushbikes and rode to the beach a few kilometres away.

My goodness, those bikes are no other than dodgyness on wheels. Funny though - I eventually got used to having to point the handle bars in a north-west direction in order to proceed forward, and even the 'squeak... squeak... squeak' or Row's pedal seemed to fade into the horns and "excuse me sirs" background after a while. Picture is of us and our bikes [my chain is broken... & I'm wearing one of my tailored dresses I got made!]

Treated ourselves to a rather gourmet dinner that night at a beautiful restaurant where it was just us and 4 Vietnamese eating, surrounded by at least 15 waiting staff. A sumptuous "vietnamese-style-tappas" meal was enjoyed with a pint of ye old local ale. Upon walking home we came across a funky outdoor "tea house". They love their tea and coffee here. The air was filled with Vietnamese pop, interspersed with the occassional 80s/90s hits such as Especially for You [Jason Donovan and Kylie Minogue] - which kept us grooving along to our iced coffees with rum [not me of course... I wasn't grooving... and I wasn't having rum in my iced coffee... I hate Kylie, and I certainly don't condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages]...

Jungle Booogie!

Day 37: Arrived in Hanoi at 4:45 - once again feeling refreshed and rejuvinated... so clean... yet oh so sweaty... Wandered the streets of the old quarter for an hour or so and made our way to the main lake where we stumbled upon literally thousands of "Hanoi-ans" doing some serious tai chi, yoga, walking, jogging, weight lifting, and yep, even some groovified outdoor aerobics. Was bloody funny. Conclusion: 'Hanoian' leotards rock. Eventually found somewhere to book a bus down to Tam Coc, 2 1/2 hr drive south. Arrived in Tam Coc - Row not feeling well. Checked into place and snoozed, watched tv, and drank loads of water in an attempt to escape the incessant heat outside.

Day 38: Needed to get to Ninh Binh - only 9km away, but the only mode of transport was via motorbike - we were going one-way so had to get two people to give us a lift. If ever one needed a definition for "dodgy", our short but scarey bike ride is it. With both of us wearing our big packs, and both of us being about double the size of our poor little Vietnamese drivers - we both looked like giant monsters that had climbed onto the back of two little ants. We arrived safelly, but not after Greer's driver stopping all of a sudden and Greer whacking her chin into the back of her lady driver's head. Poor thing - even my chin was about the size of her head!

Anyway - we arrived, treated ourselves somewhere nice - Row still pretty sick so he knocked himself out with some Paracetemol/Coedine tablets given to him by our newly acquainted English GP. I went for a walk and checked out the markets. Bought some dodgy mango... dodgy.

Day 39: Feeling much better, we headed off to Cuc Phong National Park for the day. First stop was the Endangered Primate Rescue Centre - a centre where they are trying to breed endangered monkey like things - very cute things - some of the species we saw are in high danger of becoming extinct, with only 50 living animals left in the world due to pressure from illegal trade of primates being used for medicinal purposes and "gourmet" dishes. Very sad - but the centre has been very successful which is encouraging.

Visited the "Con Moong Cave" - 7000 years old pre-historic man relicts were found at the cave just 40 years ago - to date, they are the oldest 'human' remains found in the whole of IndoChina. Was amazing to walk through the pitch black tunnels of the cave [and a little creepy!] thinking of the lives lead by those who inhabited the caver thousands and thousands of years ago. One of the "chambers" [no, it wasn't of farts] had hundreds of bats in it! Scarey - but we were very brave and didn't squeal out loud when our guide, Chi, kept clapping/making noises so that they would fly over us.

Thanks Chi.

Went for a 7km loop walk to hug a 1000 y.o. tree through some serious jungle inhabited by many poisonous spiders, centrepieds AND cobras! Ahhh - I admit I freaked out at one stage when Chi wouldn't stop telling story after story of hair-raising experiences in the jungle......

Chi, who we initially assumed to be your regular hum-diddli-um tour guide, turned out to be a living legend. Having grown up as a shepherd, living in the mountains, he would often find venomous creatures in his bed of an evening. He has caught two pythons [he assured us it is easy if you know what you are doing]... and described how they always knew when a python was heating a goat by the incessant screams the goat would make as it was taking its last breaths INSIDE the pythongs belly... he has fought in three wars, survived numerous Agent Orange attacks [60% of Vietnamese men his age are now deceased due to the war/agent orange]...

Oh yeah, to add to his humble port folio, he was also one of the chief assistants during the filming of the "Quiet American".
Anyway... he wouldn't stop telling stories of the many ways one can die in the jungle [albeith from plants, animals, insects, being shot], and it got to a point where I had a SERIOUS case of the heebie-jeebies.... This wasn't helped when, after pointing out a 30-cm long, 5cm centipede [yes, highly venomous - Chi assured us that when you are bitten from it the pain is so intense that no amount of drugs will help you sleep, immune the burning sensation for at least 24hrs] - Chi could not stop giggling at me as I freaked out, jumping up and down while he used a stick to try and turn the killer on 100 legs back towards me... who, by the way, was getting angrier with every poke.

Ahhh yes, Vietnamese jungle humour - its really not that funny...
Needless to say, the next half hour was spent me walking about 5cm behind Chi with Row following closely behind [although he was being much braver than me!], stomping with every step in an attempt to ward off any cobras who might be snoozing near by, and then following each step with a prancing motion in the hope that the creepy crawlies wouldn't have time to climb up my bare legs! All the while squatting the flying buzzards that were buzz buzz buzzing about in front of me, behind me, to the side of me etc.
I managed, after about 1/2 an hour of freaking myself out, to calm myself down - and once again surrender myself to the serenity [well, apart from the seriously loud insects] of awesomeness [is that a word?] of the jungle we were walking through. There were HUNDREDS of butterflies all around us - some as big as our hands, some as small as buttons. Massive trees, and huge vines [one in excess of 1km in length!] - and a very cute little iguana with beautiful colourings.
Needless to say, upon returning to our vehicle a couple of hours later, I was very pleased we had done it, and extremely grateful to have not met Mr Cobra face-to-face. Another adventure for the books!
Went back to the hotel, had shower, dinner and waited for our overnight bus to Hue to arrive... Except it didn't... So we waited... And then it came... But then there wasn't any room.... So we waited... It FINALLY came at 23h - it had been 'delayed' due to a "broken wheel" [ok....] but we were assured before mounting the bus that it had been replaced with a "much newer and better" wheel... oh that's good then... as long as its 'safer' than the other one...

SAPA

Day 33: Swimming again in Halong Bay - sailed back to mainland and then
drove to Hanoi. Night train to Lao Cai in the nth-west.

Day 34: Woke up at 4 something to "wayke-up wayke-up! Muning!!" once again, it was at least an hour before we actually needed to wake up. Ah well, at least I got to marvel at the beautiful country side. Stunning.
Caught a bus to Sapa. Upon arriving we were "greeted" by some seriously annoying hecklers - managed to find a nice place to stay with our own little terrace with sweeping views of the valley.
Showered. Slept. Ate. Slept. We didn't get much sleep on the train.

Day 35: Hired a guide to take us "treking" through some of the hill tribe villages. The first half of it was beautiful, but very toursity - a lot of touts. The second half we opted to go off the beaten track and saw a whole other world. It was like we had stepped back in time. Very beautiful.

Day 36: Killed time waiting to catch night train back to Hanoi. During the bus back to Lao Cai [1 hr drive from Sapa] we both listened to our MP3 players... I'm not sure what Row was listening to, but all I can say is that I was cranking some serious Olivia Newton-John... I know I know - I'm a cool cat you all say... but I could not help but sing out loud on the bus... ah yes... "Sam, Sam, you know where I am" and... "will a little more love make it right"... [only hard core ONJ fans will get this...]
- Arrived at train station to find we had been duped. Our "first class" tickets weren't so "first class" afterall. Oh well - was too late to do anything about it. So we both went, "Rahh!", got over it, and soon went to sleep - hooray for sleeping tablets.

Ha Long Bay

Day 29: Checked out old quarter of Hanoi - a bit groovy I must say. Soooo many bargains to be had if you had a home to put stuff in! We managed to control ourselves...

I had my first "avocado shake"... hmmm - jury is still out on that one.

Day 30: Took bus for cpl of hours and then boarded boat bound for not Botany... but Halong Bay. Cruised along and had lunch on the boat. Went swimming, climbed a "little" lookout [really steep!] and checked out some massive caves. Very beautiful.

Didn't realise how big Halong Bay was [3000+ islands, covering 1500 sq km].

Slept on boat - magic.

Day 31: Sea kayaking in the morning, sailed into Cat Ba island in time for lunch. Went for cpl hour walk in arvo across some private farmyards in the mountains, beautiful - had a beer with at a farmhouse where we [there was Row, myself, an Englishman & Italian & the Vietnamese lady whos home we were at] took it in turns to sing songs from our countries - priceless.

Dinner at hotel followed by a few quite beers & vodkas at the waterfront with the English and Italian guys - fantastic day.

Day 32: Back on the boat, more swimming in Halong Bay.

Arrive back in Ha Noi early evening. Grab some dinner and some SERIOUSLY good iced coffees [the coffee here is the best we've ever had] & boarded night train bound for Lao Cai/Sapa in the Nth West to check out some hill-tribe action.

Cu Cui Tunnels ... Rockin' with Vietnamese pop idol & onto Ha Long bay

Day 28: Full day bus tour at Ho Chi Minh on what was promised to be a "A/C bus, very comfortable, 10ppl max" - which, needless to say, was in fact at 16 ppl on an A/C bus that did not work - 6hrs on the road, 2 hours actually seeing things... such is the way of dodgy "full day tours".
Still, got to see a temple and the Cu Cui tunnels. Quite surreal to be walking through the bush knowing that many soldiers are likely to have died on the ground we were walking.
We actually went through some of the tunnels - crazy. Managed to overcome my claustrophobia to go through them - was pretty happy to get to the other end of them!

Got taxi to airport. Unbeknown to us, we had stepped into a hi-fi getto blaster - our driver was a machine, who was not afraid of some serious tunes which he played on his VCD machine [i.e. he had a 'tv screen' of some sort attached to the sun visor [See pic attaached]. Wham, Abba & Lionel have never looked or sounded so good. The three of us did some serious singing all the way to the airport. Funny.

Our evening of pop rock was not to stop there however, and upon boarding our plane [bound for Hanoi], we discovered we were seated next to a living Vietnamese pop icon. Yep, you guessed it, we'd landed seats next to one of teh hottest acts in Nam pop. Goodbye Guy Sebastien, catch you Shannon Noll - hello, "Cao Thai Son" [www.caothaison.b4.to], winner of the original Vietnamese Idol!

Spent the following 2 hours reviewing his photo portfolio [what a beatiful man] and listening to his number one hits on his MP3 player. He was very friendly and insisted on sharing his beef jerkey with us... was my 1st time... chillified... saltified... chewified... a bit dodgified... yet strangely satisfying.

Arrived in Hanoi airport at 23h20 to discover our airport transfer was nowhere to be found. Luckily the only other ppl in the airport were a couple of helpful travel agents. They did a few ring arounds, and concluded that the hotel had never heard of us, and the 'travel agent' in HCM [who we had paid our $$ to] had taken our Dong and ran. Ah shizen...
Eventually got dropped off at another hotel at 1h15, had a shower and crashed - a very long day.

Human Shield

I should add that today Greer and I unashamedly used and old grandma as a human sheild while trying to cross the road in Saigon. She obviously had a lot of experince...it worked.

Try it for yourself!

THAILAND - VIETNAM

Day 16: Successfully completed various dive skils in pool like losing regulator [breathing apparatus] and mask and putting back in/on. Good day for confidence building should something go wrong in the ocean depths below…

Day 17: Two successful dives. Another good day in Paradise.

Day 18: Attaining our Open Water Course after 4 successful dives [aw mi gaw… we have SUCH experience now!?!?]. Celebrating over dinner & drinks with our 5 class mates and then drinking too many Thai whicky buyckets. Much fun. Many giggles. Major dancing moves.

Day 19: Spend day reflecting on the health benefits of Thai whisky… mmmm we couldn’t come up with many.

Days 20-23: Days spent lounging, snorkeling, reading, eating, strolling & sleeping… Tough times… yet we feel ready for the next leg of our journey.

Day 24: Go snorkeling at Shark Bay with guide – as there are sharks there – saw a few… bit scarey… but fun :D
Ferry back to mainland [Chumpon] – Grab some dinner. Board the evening train bound for Bangkok and take oath to not eat ice cream & junk food throughout our time in Vietnam as, “the honeymoon is over baby, and we ain’t never gonna be the same again” – if we keep eating the way we have been! :D

Day 25: Awoke at 5:45 to “Wayke up.. wayke up… copie… tis munning!”. Dreary eyed, we finally pull into main station at Bgk around 7:30… so stoked they woke us up nearly 2 hrs before.
Too early to check into accommodation so spend the morn/arvo shopping. Stumble upon a World Cup promo thing and find ourselves dressed up in gian soccer ball suits and racing each other in a kind of relay thing. Row won [by the hair of Greer’s chinny chin chin] a Panasonic T-shirt. Rad.
Then had a go at “kick the ball in the hole” – Row got two in, and we thought he’s won a new camera and stereo [as they’re the holes he got in], but alas, it was all but a cruel joke, and he won another panasonic t-shirt.
3 hrs later, we had checked in, napped, showered and were back on the streets wearing matching Panasonic t-shirts [ ahh yes.. the promise of wearing something clean far outweighed the thought of us looking like Panasonic Parrots.
Cruised the streets and grabbed some cheap pad thai [90c!] and ate by the road, breathing in the fresh air… - look up to see an elephant casually crossing the road in a sea of cars…

Day 26: We’re off to Vietnam! Up at 5:15, head to airport.

Stop-over in Hong Kong. Grab some yummo “Ajisen Ramen” for lunch [only thing under A$20!].

Dinner on the streets of Ho Chi Minh – have a local beer at a funny street bar thing… cops come… everyone [us being the only foreigners follow suit] jump up and run inside. The bar owners start giggling and grab all the tables and bring them inside. Row & I have no idea what is going on but not too worried despite the police van with 5 policemen having stopped right outside our bar. They write a fine, no worries, and before they’ve even driven off, the seats are being put back out on the side walk!

Day 27: Booked our tickets to Hanoi. Went to the war memorial museum - pretty horrific - tragic really. Was well set up though.
Afterwards Row & I walked back to the suburb where we are staying and stopped off for a "cool & refreshing drink" [its become our latest catch phrase]. Anyway - it was a 'tea house' - as with a lot of Asian places, the milky teas have the 'jelly ball thingys' in the bottom of them that you suck up with a big fat straw - I had one in my straw and pretended I was going to shoot it at Row.. he was going, "Don't you dare"... etc. etc. I was giggling.. he was too... then, surprising even myself - without warning I blew as hard as I could and hit him fair smack in the eyeball. Was bloody funny.. He quickly retaliated with a triple shote [i.e. 3 jelly balls at once] but alas, his attempt was pointless and Greer was the victor once more.

Row & Seb drinking from the evil bucket.

Be warned kiddies

Greer and Ellie with before mentioned bucket

big night out - big day in (Evil Thai Buckets)

Went out for dinner and drinks with people from the diving class last night.

Had heaps of fun, travelling quite well until.... someone bought a bucket.

These buckets contain Thai Whisky, Red Bull, Coke and probably other bad stuff.
The end result was not pretty. I woke to what I thought was someone operating a jack-hammer on my head.

All recovered now.